Monday, April 29, 2013

29. Episode Six Part 2

“Why don't you go to Celebrity Spin first, drag it out, and I can shout you when we get the connection up and running?” Suggested Nigel.

“That's not a bad idea. But that part of the set isn't ready.”

“I'll shout the set manager quickly and get them to move it, very quickly, 60 seconds Tony.”

“Shit, ok.” With that Tony prepared himself as a panicked set manager suddenly screamed at the three stage hands to shift the Celebrity Spin wheel and podium onto the stage.

As the adverts ended and the show came back on air, they still hadn't managed to get it in place. The base of wheel was catching on the black carpet.

Tony started. “Welcome back to the Tony James Show. We're going to go right into Celebrity Spin in a minute, the trusty stage hands are just dealing with some technical dif...”


The wheel had fallen over from the force of two stage hands pushing, and trapping the other stage hand underneath it. She let out a cry of pain. The audience took a sharp intake of breath.

Tony, after a brief moment of surprise, carried on. “Yes. Definitely a few minor hitches to the current programme. We...” He stopped as the yelps of the stage hand caught under the wheel became too distracting to ignore.

From the side of the stage with the wheel, the voice of the stage hands were just about audible. Jon, the eldest stage hand snapped. “Bloody Hell Gary, why did you shove it like that?”

“I think I've broken my leg guys.” The trapped stage hand, Rosie, remarked.

“I didn't push it hard, it must have given way.” Gary replied.

“It didn't fall of it's own accord Gary.” Jon remarked.

“I didn't push it any harder than normal!” Gary insisted.

“GUYS! I think my leg is broken.” Rosie said loudly.

“I'm reporting you for this Gary.” Jon continued.

“Why?! I didn't do anything!” Gary pleaded.

Rosie, in considerable pain and very angry, drew a sharp intake of breath and screamed as loudly as she could. The sound reverberated through every microphone in the studio, and caused everyone in the studio to stop in silence and stare at her. “GUYS. I HAVE BROKEN MY FUCKING LEG. SHUT THE FUCK UP AND MOVE THIS THING.”

Tony had given up trying to ignore the calamity to his left and walked over to the wheel. “Do you mind please, you're ruining...” Tony thought quickly to himself. “...Why on earth did you push it so hard Gary?”

“I didn't push it hard!” Gary stomped.

“You did. I saw you.” Jon replied

“Yeah Gary, Jon saw you.” Tony remarked.

“I did not!”

“You did!” Jon insisted.

“See.” Tony added.

“Fuck you Jon.” Gary threw his hands in the air, paused a moment, and then quickly shaped his hand to a fist and swung at Jon, catching him squarely on the jaw and knocking him out completely.

“Jesus Christ!” Tony jumped back in surprise.

While this was happening, Rosie, still in pain, had put her hand over her forehead in frustration.

“Can someone call an ambulance please?” Tony remarked to the side of the stage.

Rosie snapped. “So he gets knocked out for being a dick and you call an ambulance, meanwhile I've been sat here with a broken leg and no one gives a shit?”

Gary, shocked by how much force he had put into his punch, shakily realised they should probably help Rosie now. “Tony, help me move this.”

Tony grabbed one side of the wheel, and Gary grabbed the other. They lifted as hard as they could and slowly lifted it high enough that Rosie could move away. She went to move very slowly and carefully, as she tried to support her leg with her hands, the pain caused her to scream.

Just as the wheel was roughly in it's upright position, Tony let out a cry and dropped to his knees clutching his back. “ back has gone.”

“What do you mean?” Gary asked, still shaken.

“It's upped and gone to Thailand to start a new life for itself, what do you bloody think? Arrrrgh..”

Roughly thirty seconds of Tony trying desperately to turn to camera was ended as the local first aid team ran onto set to deal with the injuries.

Nigel meanwhile, had taken off his headphones and gone to the computer storage room to try and fix the internet issue, and had missed the show since the break. He was looking around the small dark cupboard with the whirring stacks of hardware, as Holly the assistant burst in. “Nigel, control room NOW.”

“Not now Holly.”


“Fine fine, one minute.”


“Okay!” With that Nigel went with Holly to the control room. He walked in and looked at the monitor screen to see the Celebrity Spin set facing the wrong way, and with a large crack in the wheel, two stage hands on the floor, one stage hand shaking and mumbling, and Tony facing away from the camera on his knees.

“What. The. Fuck?” Nigel enquired.

“Logistical issues.” Holly replied.

“Go to a break!” Nigel yelled at Holly.

“But we just came back from one.”

“I don't care. Now!”

“Okay Nigel.” Holly leant over the control machine and started the 'end of part two' graphics. The unexpected change meant that the LTV broadcast controllers weren't prepared and ended up showing a test card for 60 seconds while they set the break up.

“I didn't think they had those any more?” Holly enquired.

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